There is no doubt that a well-written scene of dialogue can make a memoir come to life for the reader. The person writing the memoir understands this, but is torn: how true to life is the dialogue that he is writing? Is he being fair to the other person (or persons), or is the conversation being distorted by time?
If the other person is still around (and willing to be involved in checking what has been written) then one safeguard is to ask him or her to read the work. The catch is that even doing this doesn't guarantee that the resulting conversation will be correct. Sometimes the other person has no recollection of what was said at all. Sometimes he or she will disagree with what has been written: perhaps feeling that they haven't been represented fairly, or that they remember it quite differently.
If someone disagrees vehemently with what the author of the memoir has written, it is probably wise to simply 'tell' rather than 'show' what happened, and make it clear that this is the author's impression of what was said.
There are some useful strategies that writers can use to recall and write past conversations. These strategies won't solve the problem completely, but in most cases they enable the writer to write the scene and move on with the rest of the memoir.
1. Use the Five Senses to Try to Recall the Circumstances
When trying to recall a conversation from the dim dark past, writers tend to close their eyes and try to picture the scene, and also to 'hear' what was said. It can be useful to employ the other senses as well: for example, simply remembering what a favourite meal smelled like can help a writer to suddenly recall what was said at the dinner table. So try asking: "What scents or smells might can I remember from that time? What other sounds were there besides the other person's voice? What could I touch, or what could I feel? (Breezes? Velvet cushions? A soccer ball rebounding from a boot?) Are there any tastes associated with that time?")
2. Blend Snippets of Conversation with Guesswork
Start by writing down any words or sentences that come clearly to mind. When memory fails, leave a blank. Now think about the general thrust of the conversation. What words are likely to have been said? What might fill the gap reasonably accurately? The writer of the memoir can try explaining to readers how he felt and what he thought, to fill in the gaps. For example: 'I clearly remember John saying to me: "You weren't born in New York at all, as your parents told you. You were born in Dublin." Most of the rest of that conversation is a blur, and John tells me that I went white with shock. I can still remember how I suddenly seemed to have no air in my chest, and that I yelled at him that he was a liar. He wasn't, of course...'
3. Write Down Part of the Conversation and Ask Others to Fill in the Gaps
Write the remembered dialogue like a play, with just the words that people say (not bothering to fill in the details of the scene). Let's say the conversation involved three people: the author of the memoir and two others: John and Jane. The author writes down as much as he can remember of what he said or what the others said, and then passes it on to John and Jane. Next to their names, they fill in what they said, or what they think they said. They can also edit what the author has written, if they remember things differently. The author rewrites the scene, including all the details of the setting, what people were wearing, etc and sends it back to John and Jane for a final read-through.
One final piece of advice for the author of the memoir: rather than having someone else proclaim to the world at large that the author is 'making things up', it's best to look for a different way of telling readers what happened. The simplest way to do this is to start by saying something like this to readers: "It's quite possible – even probable – that others who were there at the time won't agree with my memory of this event. However, to the best of my recollection, this is how it happened..." Write the scene, being as fair as possible to everyone concerned, and then move on to the next part of the memoir.
Marg McAlister - Marg McAlister has tried on a good many writer's hats in her career, and has enjoyed wearing most of them. Her writing achievements ...
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